So, today I had my first ever Trade Day experience. It was fun. I wanted to take all the puppies and the little baby lamb. And kill all the annoying roosters.... And there was this one couple with an AMAZING book table, so I think I must return after I read the four that I bought today. Who can say no to $1 Mary Higgins Clark? Well, maybe most people can, but I cannot.
But this weekend has been a lot of fun. Friday night I went to graduation and got to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in forever! It's crazy how fast time goes by. It seems like yesterday that I was hanging out with those kids, and now we've all graduated. I think I'm going to be pretty sad when I have to return to UAB in the fall. I mean, I know I'll be excited, and I do miss all of you wonderful people there, but I love my friends, family, and my church here so much. And this is my last summer to get to be at home. So, it's going to make it even more sad when I head back to school. But, like Katie says in the Christy Miller Series, "You can't live in the world of 'What if?'." Well, maybe that doesn't really go with this, but it does in my mind lol. It's crazy how much of my life I compare to books.
What if I compared more of my life to the main character in the bible, Jesus. You know, that is crazy. I mean really, I'm always making comments, if not aloud, in my head, about that situation is like when this happened in the Christy Miller Series or that person is like this character in Narnia. What if I stopped comparing the situations in my life to fictional events or characters, and instead compared them with Christ and the Bible.
I mean, don't get me wrong I love books, but this was just a new revelation to me, and I now think that I am rambling.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Because I wish I was a Blogger
This title will probably fit much better in a year, when this is the only post. But I do wish that I was like people who can keep these things updated... why? I don't know. Would anyone really read it... Is anyone reading it now? Maybe... I read people's blogs and quite enjoy them. But... they probably have better things to say than me.
I had a xanga site (don't go there, it hasn't been updated in over a year), but there is just something about making something new. So, here we are. I like new stuff. It makes me smile. So, if I was going to write in my old blog (I almost did) I would have written about the last year of my life, which is sadly missing from xanga. I'm sure the whole world is just not the same with consistant posts from me... ha. But, I think I will do that here...
Mmmm... first of all, I went to Kansas this past summer. Of all the places that you have never been (and I'm sure that Kansas is probably on that list), I think you should visit Kansas. I'm actually hoping to go visit later this summer, probably first week of August, and it would be much cheaper to make a road trip of it. Plane tickets to Kansas are very expensive! So, if you want to go... let me know! But anyways Kansas... it was pretty much amazing. The state itself, is just like what I thought it would be... flat and hot. But it was so amazing beautiful. The sky is like never ending. There are no mountains to hide it, not very many trees either. It just falls down below the ground in the horizon. Amazing!! But, the experience was very different than what I thought it would be. First of all, I think I kind of had the very conceited idea that I was going in as the summer missionary to save the day! That this church and those people needed my help! But... I think they gave so much more to me than I could have ever given to them. I miss all of them like crazy, and I'm absolutely dying to go back. I think there could be no greater joy that I could experience right now, than pulling up to Pastor Kirk's house, sitting on the second row of Bel Air Baptist Church on a Sunday, playing volleyball at Sonic, swimming at the Walter's, going to the mall with Bella and Hayleigh, shooting fireworks at Logan's house (shhh... it's illegal there), and sitting in Bob and Janey's dining room, having great talks. And I also thought that God would do a lot in the lives of the youth and kids that I would be working with, and he did. But he also did just as much, if not more in my life. He taught me how to trust him. To lean on him alone. I think I've lost some of that since I've been home... If you have the opportunity to go spend a summer somewhere, to go alone, to go to where you'll be stretched out of your comfort zone, to go to where you know no one, but God... Go! Please Go.
School has been good this year. Much harder. Especially this past spring semester. Spanish is freaking not easy!! I mean, I studied and studied for hours, and still came out with C's on some of my tests. But it seems, like I developed a deeper love for the language this semester, than ever before. I'm getting to where I can use it more, and I like that, but I'm guilty that I haven't plugged it in anywhere where God can use it. I've also not enjoyed studying much this past semester. I mean during the fall I could study for like 5 straight hours with no problem, this year, 2 hours, and I'm ready to quit. I mean I could have done much better in my science classes, but I just didn't want to study. I'm not looking forward to the study bubble I'll find myself in when I start nursing school.... man.
The biggest thing that sticks out in my mind this past school year though, is India. Fall semester I began looking through the IMB's mission projects for the summer, because I had planned on being away for another full summer. At first I felt like God was leading me to Niger. It was like the rock bottom, major roughing it type of mission trip. And it was over two months long. I passed it by my parents, and they shot it down. I prayed that God would change their hearts, but they kept shooting it down. Even Brother Mike spoke negatively of it when my parents asked him about it. Everyone thought that it was a terrible idea. At the time I was so mad... but now I see that God was using them to tell me that I had not even asked him about this trip to Niger. I just wanted to go, I wanted to go far away, and I wanted to rough it. So, I was very confused, until a meeting with Jess a couple weeks later. Jess was our intern at BCM this past year, and I was talking to her about it all, when she told me about a trip to India.
If you don't know, up until lately, I've been completely obsessed with India. It started when I sponsored a little boy, Mahesh, who was from India. I fell in love with this kid, he was like my little child. Then his family had to move, because they needed better jobs, because they needed more money. So, I couldn't sponsor him any longer. It killed me to think that he might not have what he needed, and that he might not move to an environment where he would have the means to continue being discipled in Christ. Long before this I had felt a call to something from God, I assumed that it was missions, and I had begun to really take an interest in India, mostly from Mahesh. So, when I saw what happened to him, I told myself that I would one day go to India, and I was planning on being there for life. Really, I was.
So Jess shared with me about this trip to India. It was perfect in my eyes in every way. It was to India first of all, it was a medical mission trip (I'm a nursing major), I would be going with fellow BCMers (my parents had been worried about me traveling alone, and not knowing anyone when I got there), it seemed like God had put this trip together with me in mind, and just laid it down. I "prayed" about it, and almost immediately told Jess to put my name on the list. I talked to my parents about it, and they said that it was okay, but never were very happy about it. Will, Casey, Nick, Katie, and I just began waiting to hear more news. We started getting more news and it was about time to buy our tickets. I called my mom to tell her the news we had heard, and she basically told me that she didn't want me to go. In a later phone call with my dad, he said the same thing. But in the phone call, my dad asked me, "Do you know for sure that this is God's will?" and I couldn't say yes. The trip had seemed so perfect in my eyes, I was willing to go, I could go, my parents would allow me to go, I had just been assuming for months that of course it was God's will for me to go, why wouldn't he want me to go?
I told Jess what I was feeling, and she told me to take a week to pray about it. I mean seriously, that was all the time I had. I began praying about it, and almost at once felt that God was saying no. But, I wanted to go so bad. This was my dream, it was perfect! But I began to see more and more during that week, that God didn't want me to go. I knew. I knew that if I went I would be flat out disobeying God. That weekend I was going home. I did something that I've never done before. I drove all the way home with no radio, no CD, no mp3 player. I talked with God about India all the way home. I just got honest with Him. I told Him that I wanted to go to India more than anything, and I didn't understand why he wasn't letting me go. I kept telling Him, "This is my passion!"
But, on that trip home, I made a revelation that I think I will always remember, and I think it really did change my life. God told me that missions should not be my passion. God should be my passion. And then I knew why God wasn't allowing me to travel to Niger, or India, or anywhere this summer. It was because I needed to take a step back, and become okay with having only God. I needed to be okay with not becoming a career missonary, I needed to be okay with never going out of the country if that was God's will for me. And over the past few months since that drive home, I began to learn more from God about missions. Missions is not about me. It's not about an experience. It's not even really about the people group or the country. Missions is about God. Nothing in this world matters, expect for the glory of God. Missions is bringing more of God's creation to himself to glorify him. And God doesn't need any of us to do this. God doesn't need me! But for some reason, he decides to use me. And missions is not just about going away. The most important missions take place right where we are. I mean, why do we think God has placed us where we are??? It sounds so silly to me now, but it took me two years to really understand it. And God is still constantly teaching me more and more.
So... do I still think that God has called me to missions? I know that God has called me to something. He called me to something at Student Life Camp the summer after my senior year. I remember it. I didn't want to be called to anything. I already had my life planned out. I was going to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner at Children's Hospital. But Adam, the camp pastor that week, said something during the invitation. He said, God is calling some of you to do something specific with your lives, and you're ignoring him. And that was God speaking to me. I don't know what I'll be doing for the majority of my life. I could see myself doing missions, and I'm definitely willing. But I also love working with teenagers. I could see myself doing something with teenagers for a career too. I could also just see myself being a nurse. I don't know, but whatever it is, it will bring glory to God. But I've learned lately, to not live for my future, but to live for today. Today is more important than tommorow. The bible says to not worry about tommorow, that it has too much trouble of it's own. And worrying about tommorow does cause trouble. It takes our sights off of today. And the people around us today need Jesus too. We're where we are today because that's where the God of the universe planned for us to be, before we were born. And he has a reason for it. Oh God, I just pray that we would wake up, and make the most of every opportunity that you set in front of us, today.
I had a xanga site (don't go there, it hasn't been updated in over a year), but there is just something about making something new. So, here we are. I like new stuff. It makes me smile. So, if I was going to write in my old blog (I almost did) I would have written about the last year of my life, which is sadly missing from xanga. I'm sure the whole world is just not the same with consistant posts from me... ha. But, I think I will do that here...
Mmmm... first of all, I went to Kansas this past summer. Of all the places that you have never been (and I'm sure that Kansas is probably on that list), I think you should visit Kansas. I'm actually hoping to go visit later this summer, probably first week of August, and it would be much cheaper to make a road trip of it. Plane tickets to Kansas are very expensive! So, if you want to go... let me know! But anyways Kansas... it was pretty much amazing. The state itself, is just like what I thought it would be... flat and hot. But it was so amazing beautiful. The sky is like never ending. There are no mountains to hide it, not very many trees either. It just falls down below the ground in the horizon. Amazing!! But, the experience was very different than what I thought it would be. First of all, I think I kind of had the very conceited idea that I was going in as the summer missionary to save the day! That this church and those people needed my help! But... I think they gave so much more to me than I could have ever given to them. I miss all of them like crazy, and I'm absolutely dying to go back. I think there could be no greater joy that I could experience right now, than pulling up to Pastor Kirk's house, sitting on the second row of Bel Air Baptist Church on a Sunday, playing volleyball at Sonic, swimming at the Walter's, going to the mall with Bella and Hayleigh, shooting fireworks at Logan's house (shhh... it's illegal there), and sitting in Bob and Janey's dining room, having great talks. And I also thought that God would do a lot in the lives of the youth and kids that I would be working with, and he did. But he also did just as much, if not more in my life. He taught me how to trust him. To lean on him alone. I think I've lost some of that since I've been home... If you have the opportunity to go spend a summer somewhere, to go alone, to go to where you'll be stretched out of your comfort zone, to go to where you know no one, but God... Go! Please Go.
School has been good this year. Much harder. Especially this past spring semester. Spanish is freaking not easy!! I mean, I studied and studied for hours, and still came out with C's on some of my tests. But it seems, like I developed a deeper love for the language this semester, than ever before. I'm getting to where I can use it more, and I like that, but I'm guilty that I haven't plugged it in anywhere where God can use it. I've also not enjoyed studying much this past semester. I mean during the fall I could study for like 5 straight hours with no problem, this year, 2 hours, and I'm ready to quit. I mean I could have done much better in my science classes, but I just didn't want to study. I'm not looking forward to the study bubble I'll find myself in when I start nursing school.... man.
The biggest thing that sticks out in my mind this past school year though, is India. Fall semester I began looking through the IMB's mission projects for the summer, because I had planned on being away for another full summer. At first I felt like God was leading me to Niger. It was like the rock bottom, major roughing it type of mission trip. And it was over two months long. I passed it by my parents, and they shot it down. I prayed that God would change their hearts, but they kept shooting it down. Even Brother Mike spoke negatively of it when my parents asked him about it. Everyone thought that it was a terrible idea. At the time I was so mad... but now I see that God was using them to tell me that I had not even asked him about this trip to Niger. I just wanted to go, I wanted to go far away, and I wanted to rough it. So, I was very confused, until a meeting with Jess a couple weeks later. Jess was our intern at BCM this past year, and I was talking to her about it all, when she told me about a trip to India.
If you don't know, up until lately, I've been completely obsessed with India. It started when I sponsored a little boy, Mahesh, who was from India. I fell in love with this kid, he was like my little child. Then his family had to move, because they needed better jobs, because they needed more money. So, I couldn't sponsor him any longer. It killed me to think that he might not have what he needed, and that he might not move to an environment where he would have the means to continue being discipled in Christ. Long before this I had felt a call to something from God, I assumed that it was missions, and I had begun to really take an interest in India, mostly from Mahesh. So, when I saw what happened to him, I told myself that I would one day go to India, and I was planning on being there for life. Really, I was.
So Jess shared with me about this trip to India. It was perfect in my eyes in every way. It was to India first of all, it was a medical mission trip (I'm a nursing major), I would be going with fellow BCMers (my parents had been worried about me traveling alone, and not knowing anyone when I got there), it seemed like God had put this trip together with me in mind, and just laid it down. I "prayed" about it, and almost immediately told Jess to put my name on the list. I talked to my parents about it, and they said that it was okay, but never were very happy about it. Will, Casey, Nick, Katie, and I just began waiting to hear more news. We started getting more news and it was about time to buy our tickets. I called my mom to tell her the news we had heard, and she basically told me that she didn't want me to go. In a later phone call with my dad, he said the same thing. But in the phone call, my dad asked me, "Do you know for sure that this is God's will?" and I couldn't say yes. The trip had seemed so perfect in my eyes, I was willing to go, I could go, my parents would allow me to go, I had just been assuming for months that of course it was God's will for me to go, why wouldn't he want me to go?
I told Jess what I was feeling, and she told me to take a week to pray about it. I mean seriously, that was all the time I had. I began praying about it, and almost at once felt that God was saying no. But, I wanted to go so bad. This was my dream, it was perfect! But I began to see more and more during that week, that God didn't want me to go. I knew. I knew that if I went I would be flat out disobeying God. That weekend I was going home. I did something that I've never done before. I drove all the way home with no radio, no CD, no mp3 player. I talked with God about India all the way home. I just got honest with Him. I told Him that I wanted to go to India more than anything, and I didn't understand why he wasn't letting me go. I kept telling Him, "This is my passion!"
But, on that trip home, I made a revelation that I think I will always remember, and I think it really did change my life. God told me that missions should not be my passion. God should be my passion. And then I knew why God wasn't allowing me to travel to Niger, or India, or anywhere this summer. It was because I needed to take a step back, and become okay with having only God. I needed to be okay with not becoming a career missonary, I needed to be okay with never going out of the country if that was God's will for me. And over the past few months since that drive home, I began to learn more from God about missions. Missions is not about me. It's not about an experience. It's not even really about the people group or the country. Missions is about God. Nothing in this world matters, expect for the glory of God. Missions is bringing more of God's creation to himself to glorify him. And God doesn't need any of us to do this. God doesn't need me! But for some reason, he decides to use me. And missions is not just about going away. The most important missions take place right where we are. I mean, why do we think God has placed us where we are??? It sounds so silly to me now, but it took me two years to really understand it. And God is still constantly teaching me more and more.
So... do I still think that God has called me to missions? I know that God has called me to something. He called me to something at Student Life Camp the summer after my senior year. I remember it. I didn't want to be called to anything. I already had my life planned out. I was going to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner at Children's Hospital. But Adam, the camp pastor that week, said something during the invitation. He said, God is calling some of you to do something specific with your lives, and you're ignoring him. And that was God speaking to me. I don't know what I'll be doing for the majority of my life. I could see myself doing missions, and I'm definitely willing. But I also love working with teenagers. I could see myself doing something with teenagers for a career too. I could also just see myself being a nurse. I don't know, but whatever it is, it will bring glory to God. But I've learned lately, to not live for my future, but to live for today. Today is more important than tommorow. The bible says to not worry about tommorow, that it has too much trouble of it's own. And worrying about tommorow does cause trouble. It takes our sights off of today. And the people around us today need Jesus too. We're where we are today because that's where the God of the universe planned for us to be, before we were born. And he has a reason for it. Oh God, I just pray that we would wake up, and make the most of every opportunity that you set in front of us, today.
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